i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So squirting runs in the family.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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