I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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