He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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