I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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