i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
