Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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