Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
