If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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