If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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