It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
