After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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