Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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