The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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