i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
