i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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