Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
