There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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