Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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