i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
