The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
