does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
