I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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