Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
