We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
if only i could text you this smell
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
