gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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