Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
