if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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