Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
