weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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