mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
