Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize