Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
