I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
