dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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