just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
