Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
