I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
