Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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