She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
