A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
