great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
