Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
