lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
