Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
