i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
