We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
