im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
