One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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