Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
