I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
