If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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