I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
