you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
