We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
