So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
