He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
