best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
