Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
