yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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