dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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