Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
