like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
