He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
