A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
