Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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