You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
