thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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