Welp...herpes.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize