Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
