accomplished twins. life is a go
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
