I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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