I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
